Gourd Kashaka
Dear ((name)),
Congratulations on your successful campaign to become a U.S Senator/Congressperson.
As you know from your introductory information packet, before you will be allowed to propose any legislation, post to social media, or be interviewed by any journalists or news networks, you must complete an introductory course in playing the Cas Cas. Thankfully, for the American people, this will likely be a lengthy process.
You should be receiving your Cas Cas shortly. Please view the video linked below for an example of how the instrument should be played.
When you feel you are ready, you may schedule a time to come in and demonstrate that your Cas Cas skills are sufficient.
Once you pass your Cas Cas audition you will have a useful benchmark for determining the worthiness of any legislation you may be considering.
Ask yourself, “Is this legislation at least as valuable to humanity as listening to someone play the Cas Cas?”
Chances are the answer will be no.
Welcome to Washington, D.C.